


call me, on the line

by HorribleThing



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Dialogue-Only, M/M, except the last scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-01 21:15:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8638357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HorribleThing/pseuds/HorribleThing
Summary: Taako calls Kravitz on his stone of farspeech whenever he feels like it.It takes some getting used to.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A long time ago genikrispies on tumblr brought up the idea of Taako just hassling Kravitz on his stone of farspeech all the time. Unfortunately, I am a very slow writer. I hope this isn't horrifically far off from what was imagined.
> 
> Many thanks to harpydora and meltokyo for the suggestions for some of the conversations! It would have only been sad scenes if it weren't for them.
> 
> Warning for some minor discussion of "mature" situations, but nothing that wouldn't be okay in a PG-13 movie.

“Hello?  Hellooooo?  Kravitz?”

“Yes, this is he.  This is Taako, right?”

“The one and only.  Well.  I think.  It’s not like I’ve ever encountered anyone else with my name.”

“I haven’t either.  So what’s the purpose of this call?”

“Just making sure this thing works and all.  Following up on that… evening out we had.”

“Well it does.  But I’m in the middle of of something, so we’ll have to talk later.”

“Okay, well don’t be a stranger!”

 

“I cannot even deal with the horrendous nightmare slop that they call food in the cafeteria here.  I swear they’ve never heard of herbs or spices.  But what they have heard of is gelatin.  Massive amounts of gelatin.  Someone has had some inappropriate thoughts about some slimes and they’re making the rest of us suffer.”

“You know, you could cook your own meals instead.”

“Ha ha ha, yeah, good one.”

“With the way you talk about food I would assume that you could throw something together.”

“Maybe… some other time.  You know all this training has me worn out!”

“Then go get some rest.”

 

“So what’s your secret?”

“There’s quite a few, you’re going to have to be more specific than that.”

“For your hair!  It always looks so good when we get together.”

“Well your hair has been a different color every time I’ve seen you.  It’s very striking”

“I use magic to change things up to go with my clothes. I get some quality _me time_ in the process.  But you’re deflecting my guy.  Can’t share your product?”

“There’s no product to share.  My physical form is a magical construct that I can reform at will.”  

“So that’s all there is?”

“Yes.”

“Okay then.  I don’t think that one is gonna work out for me.”

 

“So how has your day been?  Because I thought of you when I saw this-”

“Can we chat later?  I’m quite busy right now.”

“Oh.  Yeah.  Sure.”

“I’ll be seeing you soon enough, why don’t we talk in person then?”

“Two weeks from now isn’t what I’d call soon, but sure.  We’ll chat face to face.”

 

“Kravitz, Kravitz you gotta help me…”

“What is it?  What’s happened?  Are you hurt, are you-”

“I’m bored.”

“You’re… you’re bored.”

“I am going to die of boredom, so I figured you would be the guy to go to.”

“Taako, you are not actually going to die-”

“So… what are you wearing?”

“I am wearing literally nothing right now, not even skin.  Not even bones.  I am just a glowing ball of energy and rage I swear-”

“Alright, alright, sorry for bugging you.  I wouldn’t want you to think that I, you know, go to you for comfort or companionship or any of those things.  I wouldn’t want to try and make things work with a guy who is so long distance he literally lives on a different plane of reality most of the time-”

“-wait, what-”

“And I’m really starting to get the impression that despite what you’ve said, you aren’t actually into me.  So screw this shit!  I’m just going to find Merle and Magnus and drink as much cheap wine as possible and see if Fantasy Costco actually has something resembling a fashion magazine while Magnus pushes Merle down the aisles in a cart as fast as he can.”

“Let’s discuss this, you are being ridiculous-”

“No, nope, not tonight.  I am not dealing with this tonight.  I am getting drunk and not taking this stupid stone with me.  Auf wiedersehen and suck it!”

 

“Taako?”

“Yeah?  What do you want?”

“I’m sorry.  I’m not really used to conversation for its own sake anymore.  I’ll try and be more open to just talking.  It… shouldn’t be too hard, really.  I _do_ like talking with you.  And I like... _you_.  Anything I’ve done to make you feel otherwise is a pretty big fuck up on my part.”

“...oh.  Oh wow.  Okay.”

“Did I say something wrong?”

“No, that was.  Uh.  I wasn’t expecting that one.  People don’t usually apologize for giving me the brush off, you know?  Thanks for that, and… And I’ll try and not take advantage of you for my own personal amusement all the time.”

“...But some of the time then?”  

“You gotta do a _little_ work, boy toy.”

 

“So… what was it that you asked before?  ...Ah.  What are you wearing?”

“A lot of my own blood if you don’t hang up, Killian is kicking my ass right now!”

“Hi Kravitz!”

“Carey says hi- oh shit!”

“Taako?  Taako are you alright?”

“...”

“Taako?”

“I knocked him unconscious but he’s fine.”

“Hello Carey.”

“Hi!  So anyway!  As much as Killian and I are rooting for you two, and don’t let her know I said that she likes to pretend she doesn’t care, you have got to learn your moon time.  Because right now it’s boys get their asses handed to them o’clock!”

“Something tells me that boys get their asses handed to them o’clock is a bad time to call.”

“Yeah, so talk to him later.”

“Alright Carey, maybe I’ll see you soon.”

“Uh.”

“Oh!  No!  Not for anything work related!”

“Okay, you had me worried there!”

“No.  No, I misspoke that was not my intention-”

“It’s cool.  Soon, maybe!  But stop being late for dates with Taako!  It makes him look like a fancy lost kitten or something.”

“I’m not always late.”

“You’re always late!  Bye Kravitz I’m hanging up on you now!”  

 

“So I heard the weirdest thing, you would not believe this-”

“Hello Taako.”

“I heard from Avi who heard from Johan who heard from a guard that Magnus was seen coming out of the Void Fish’s room soaking wet… and you don’t think I _awakened_ something in him do you?  With the tentacles and all that?”

“I’d prefer not to discuss this right now.”

“I didn’t _awaken_ something in _you_ , did I?”

“I’d really prefer not to discuss this right now!”

“Right, right.  I’ll respect your boundaries.”

“Maybe we can discuss… _things_ later.”

“I can wait until you’re ready to talk about that weird, nasty nasty stuff.  I just hope you don’t take too long.  Some of us are mortal, darling.”

 

“So earlier I was making a cake right?”

“Taako, what is this about?”

“I was making a cake, and I guess I haven’t done it in a while.  I’m rusty.  But it has to be like riding a bike.  I should be able to just do this!”

“I wouldn’t know.  I was never very good at cooking.”

“So I’m making the cake.  I measure everything out and mix it and while the cake is in the oven I make some jam for filling and some ganache for the top.  Nothing fancy, just a basic dessert for a family supper or something.  And I give it some time to cool, and I put it together and everything… and I… and I realize.  Chocolate and raspberry?  Those flavors don’t go together at all, right?  What a _stupid_ flavor combination.  It just wouldn’t work.  So I threw it out!  No one should have to eat that.”

“...Taako…”

“That was the right thing to do, wasn’t it?  I can’t make people eat something that tastes bad.  What if, what if it’s bad, what if they don’t like it, I-”

“Taako. I’m going to come over, alright?”

“Yeah.  Yeah, okay.”

 

“Okay, so what happened?”

“Hmm?  What do you mean?”

“...I know you had a magic lesson with Angus today, you don’t have to pretend that you don’t want to talk about it.”

“I’ve been trying to teach him how to make rude gestures with mage hand, but good luck getting Agnes to concentrate when he’s acting like he’s hopped up on a bag full of Fantasy Pixy Stix.”

“From everything you’ve said about him, that sounds a little unusual.”

“Not when there’s a mystery for him to solve.  He’s too busy grilling me on ‘the very dapper and spooky man that you’ve been seen with, sir’ to listen to any of my super useful tips that I am just giving him instead of making him pay for.”

“You could just tell him, you know… I… wouldn’t mind if you wanted to.”

“Yeah but… Half the reason why I’m keeping things on the down low is to give that kid something to do.  I know he acts like an old decrepit geezer half the time, but it can’t be fun being the only kid on the entire moon with no one looking out for you.”

“Well he’s very lucky that he has you then.”

“Krav, my man.  I gotta tell you.  That is just about the grossest thing anyone has ever said to me and I have traveled with mercenaries and clowns.”

 

“So if you have to pick, which is the best color: black, cream, magenta, or teal?”

“...Taako what is this even about?  I’m seeing you tonight, couldn’t you ask me then?”

“Just pick one!”

“...Black, I suppose.”

“...Of course.  That’s the one you _would_ pick.”

“You sound disappointed.”

“No, no!  I can work with this.  I will make this work!  Don’t be late again. I know time doesn’t really work the same way for you, but I have roommates, so unless you know how to keep Magnus and Merle distracted and away from our rooms, I’d like to actually make use of that alone time.  This is where I would be winking at you if we were on Fantasy FaceTime.”

“Oh.  I uh… I’ll see you soon, Taako.”

 

As he slips through the rift, Taako is already pouring him a glass of wine.  Internally, Kravitz thanks his boss for small mercies and also the night off, considering everything he has been through.  Kravitz unclasps his cloak, and exchanges it for the wine glass.

“Hard day at the office?” Taako asks as he hangs the cloak on their coat rack.  It’s a beautiful piece, carved to look a bit like a tree.  Kravitz has to admit that Magnus Burnsides does good work.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.  Well.  You probably would considering everything that you’ve been through.”  He fucking hates necromancers.

“Today I had an orc and a soul in a large robot body toss me back and forth in a game of keep away from my teammates.  My tolerance for weird has gotten pretty high at this point,” Taako says as he pours his own glass.  That would explain the comfortable sweater dress and the practical flats.  But even though it’s less worrying than a lot of what Taako goes through, he still feels some non-existent organ in his abdomen twist.

“Are you alright?”

“Oh yeah Merle dropped those sweet heals and I’m fine besides being completely humiliated.  But you’re here now, so things are looking up.”  Returning Taako’s smile is easy, natural.

“I hope you’ll believe me when I say I feel the same… Except, well…”

“...You were hoping for white instead of red?”

“Please, I think you know better than that by now.  No.  It’s just… something has been on my mind all day.  Earlier you asked what color I would pick… why?”  Taako moves closer to him, a sway in step that he only gets when he wants something.  (And it’s hard to deny Taako anything when he moves like that.)  He takes Kravitz by the tie, and pulls him down just a little bit lower.

“Well... if you’re good tonight, you’ll find out.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote something fluffy. I can't believe it.
> 
> You can find me at cherrybaum on tumblr.


End file.
